At midnight I wake up to the sound of a fighter plane flying across the Palestinian desert. This time it doesn't sound like a jubilant flyover, celebrating our victory and boosting our ego, as is customary on Independence Day. Probably another foray into Syria and Lebanon. Not a polite curtesy call, God forbid, or tourists who have come to see beauty and culture in a world and tradition other than their own, but another attack on those whom we have defined as the "enemy" and whom we hasten to destroy, lest they challenge the pride of the chosen people and its independence. And I wonder, Is this Independence? A nation that has lived 76 years, on top of another 2000 years of exile, in fear, is constantly trying to immortalize itself, to sum up the current historical chronicle and declare itself the winner.
And again, I wonder, what are we winning? Or what are we commemorating? What have we learnt from all our centuries of experience, with the mantra, constantly repeated, from one generation to the next, slowly inculcated: that everyone wants to destroy us? Will we ever learn to internalize sentences like "love your neighbor as yourself" and "do not do to your neighbor what is hateful to you"?
And the verbs hate and love, and you and your neighbor? Why are we stuck at polar opposites? If someone said, wrote, expressed, did something we agree with, we immediately identify with them, love them, praise them, as if they were our inner mouthpiece. And on the other hand, those we do not agree with, their words, their actions, we immediately condemn them to death and try to exterminate them totally, lest they harm our existence, our independence.
The night envelops the desert with a light wind, the sheep are bleating, a flying insect rattles its wings near my sleeping bag, and a strong beam of light, from a flashlight, comes to check from time to time how everyone is doing. Has a wolf or a jackal come to catch a lamb, or are the settler “hill boys” taking advantage of the isolation and the holiday euphoria to instill more fear into their neighbors?
If you've ever had thieves come into your home, you probably know this feeling of restlessness, insecurity, how every noise and movement wakes you up, months, maybe even years later. But what if criminals entered your home, uninvited, several times a month, continuously, for several years? How would you feel then? Your nerves are on edge and you react to every suspicious movement. There isn’t a moment of rest. Now imagine that you were born into this situation, that you don't know anything else. Your inner self is in a state of over-stimulation, you are on the cusp of a psychosis and you react, and over-react, with fear every time.
And yet, most of the Palestinians I meet are not at all in this chaotic situation. On the contrary, they are steadfast and full respect for life and for creation itself. Most of them do not hate those who relentlessly take away their rights, their freedom and what little of the simple life they still have left. For me, they are an inspiration.
By contrast, on our side there is a lot of fear, a lot of intensified toughening up, to protect our freedom, our independence and to justify our "hasten to kill you" etc. And again, I wonder, who here is threatening our freedom and independence? Maybe it's us, ourselves?
And I end another Palestinian night of protective presence by adding to the famous quotation:
(Who do I want) to be or (who do I want) not to be, that is the question?
And you? Who do you want to be? or not to be?
For myself, I already know.
You are invited to join me, for a protective presence, or just for a day, and see that "there is someone to talk to and something to listen to"
Eyal
Tr. Yonathan (Jon) Anson
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